ON MY RADAR

Thursday, 25 August 2016

LIFE UPDATE - working from home has ruined me mentally


I actually cannot remember when I last posted a general life update ramble so I think this post is very overdue. Something happened last month which I guess has triggered it off, and I believe things happen for a reason and I'm trying to stay optimistic. I will just get to the point:

Blogging has been the best and worst thing thats ever happened to me. That is genuinely how I feel about it for many reasons. I am obviously grateful for all the oppportunies and the awards and I have loved all the fun experiences and to reassure you guys, I am NOT QUITTING blogging! It is still my dream career to pursue it for as long as I can and I want to GROW. When I say blogging has been one of the worst things, I mean it has ruined me mentally. 

Working from home means..well, not getting out much! Most days I may only talk to my Mum and my sister face to face so my interaction with people has dropped massively, whereas before blogging I was working in Topshop having the confidence to talk to anyone! I feel okay when I go to blogging events but I am always reassured knowing that several people are in the same boat as me and we all have things in common that we can all relate to. 

Now for a while I have considered getting a job. Admittedly I am missing a payday because it stresses me out so much waiting for invoices to clear and I hate not knowing when the next paid opportunity will be. I could have an okay month, but then I will start to stress about the month after and so on and so fourth. Working from home has meant a lack of routine, no bedtime and it's always been my rules. Sure I have the motivation to work most of the time, but there is never any sustainable income which I miss and I know it's what I ideally need in order to move out. 

So luckily, at my Dad's business there was a receptionist role coming up and the hours were PERFECT! I would finish at 1pm every day, meaning I could work on my blog for the rest of the day and it would mean not having to worry about money so much. The business is a car garage (I have never had a massive interest for cars), but I have done reception in a previous job and I literally thought 'well how hard would it be?'.

Have you ever got so drunk from a night out, where you wake up the next day and all the memories from last night feel like a blur? Plus you feel super humiliated when you realise what actually happened? Thats how I felt after having an anxiety attack on my first day of work.

I mainly remember the early morning drive into my first day of work and reality hitting me in the face, knowing that I would be doing this job day in and day out for a very long time. Was I going to enjoy it? Probably not. I have never been into cars, but I was hoping that the convenient hours and money would make it so worth while.

I'm not sure if it was the thought of going back into work. I'm sure not if it was the fear of facing customers again. I'm not sure if it was the fear of getting up early (I'm naturally a night owl and forcing myself to sleep at 11 was my biggest dread), or the thought of talking to new co workers. I'm not sure what started it, but I was sat in that reception chair for less than a minute and I was already welling up and dashing to the toilet, where I hysterically cried and called my Mum. I remember my mum telling me to get a grip, and I remember saying I felt petrified. 

My shift was meant to be five hours, and I only lasted three. In that time I was trying to calm down upstairs in my sisters office, but whenever I neatened up my make up and felt ready to sit back on reception again I started to panic again and the water works started. My last hour consisted of me and my sister sitting on reception together (she suggested I sit with her because I might have felt more at ease), but I was still silently sobbing and struggling to concentrate. 

I don't think I could have faced the whole day. I was already feeling sick and I had the worst headache when I arrived back home. I think the last time I hysterically cried that much was when I found out that my parents were separating and that was years ago! The rest of the day I recovered in bed but I felt the biggest slap across the face the following day. Both my sister and Dad didn't want me coming back into work (I'm not surprised), and they also felt that I probably wasn't suited to the role.

I am so frustrated with myself and I still don't understand what happened. I look back and it feels like a distant memory. I have done reception before in a previous job and I always got complimented on my customer service skills when I worked in retail. This is when I have to sadly say blogging has damaged me mentally. I never experienced anxiety before blogging, and my confidence has hit a massive low since working from home and I am constantly surrounded by my own racing thoughts. 

But I am working on it. 

In the next couple of weeks I am going to having a consultation for hypnotherapy. I am fed up of antidepressants and the thought of medication changing the imbalance in my brain sounds off putting, plus I have never fully benefitted from it. I want something to naturally change my mindset and something to maybe make me see differently and I want to worry less. A lot less. Don't get me wrong hypnotherapy may not work for me AT ALL! But I am opened minded to it. When you have been on an off medication for years with little or no results you do start to get desperate. 

So I will definitely blog my experiences on that! I want to look for other jobs but again, I am scared that things will repeat itself and I can't let that happen. I want to feel more prepared and I want to feel like how I felt before blogging. I feel like I am in my own little social media bubble where I love showing all of you any new clothes or outfits. Thats when I do love what I do and I get such a buzz out of it! Sadly, too much of anything can be bad for someone so I want to get the balance right for me and I want to feel more like my old self. 

On the plus side though, I have lots to look forward to. I am going to Creamfelds festival in a few days time, and I have got my holiday next month. If the hypnotherapy helps, I want to take the next step and move onto Youtube, because I would love to vlog my holiday or any exciting days out. I'm naturally a chatty person and I want to share that through a camera because I do think it's sometimes hard to express your personality through typing. 

I feel better for letting off some steam! I hope I didn't ramble too much! I will keep you updated and will let you guys know how I get on with the hypnotherapy sessions. 


Has anxiety ever knock you back? How did you overcome it? Any handy techniques? I would love to hear! 

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Outfit deets 

Dress - Kiss the Sky (available here and here
Trainers - Adidas (try ebay and depop)  
Bag - Ali Express 
Sunglasses - Lamoda 
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Tuesday, 23 August 2016

Electric Daisy Carnival with Boohoo! FESTIVAL OUTFIT & REVIEW


(Photographs from EDC Press) 


Hey Everyone! As you may know, last month I attended the festival Electric Daisy Carnival and I took over the Boohoo Instagram for the day (such an awesome opportunity, but there was a lot of pressure, especially when you are struggling to find signal!)

I have always wanted to attend this one, purely because I am a massive fan of EDM (electric dance music) and it's only an hour away from me! I'm surprised I haven't attended it sooner to be honest! I am so over the moon that I was able to go and I'm really grateful that I had the opportunity to go with Boohoo. Like with any festival, there are parts which really stand out to make it a day you will never forget, however a few improvements would have made it a smoother experience. 

One thing I massively loved about this festival was the set up. Being at Milton Keynes Bowl meant that the site is literally in the shape of a massive bowl, meaning that there was plenty of space for people to sit up on the slopes and have a good view without having to get too close to the stage (thank goodness the weather was dry!) 

Speaking of the stage, the main Kinetic Field stage was HUGE! I have never come across a stage that had so many cool features to it! There was a waterfall on one side, and the eyes on the owl's face moved around (probably checking that we were all having a good time!). Luckily we could hear the Kinetic Field Stage from the VIP area. With previous festivals I've attended the sound quality can be so poor due to so much bass being blasted from the speakers, but the sound quality at this one was really clear and enjoyable to hear if you decided to chill on the slopes instead. 

From my own experience of the day, the only thing I think needed improving was the organisation. It took us over an hour and a taxi to get to the right entrance because every steward was pointing us in the wrong direction (this shouldn't be a problem for anyone buying a standard ticket, we were on a mission to find the press box office).  

Unfortunately when it comes to food this was one of the biggest areas which could have been improved. When my friend and I wanted to grab a bite to eat at eight in the evening, we struggled to find a stand that was serving food because they had all run out! Luckily there was a fish and chip stand that had some yummy grub but I have never experienced food stands selling out so early in the evening! 

Overall I would recommend this festival to anyone who is a fan of electric dance music, or would be attending their first festival. Although Milton Keynes Bowl has a capacity of 65,000 when it's full, it definitely didn't feel that busy or overcrowded! The atmosphere was energetic and friendly and you could tell that loads of people like to attend just to have an excuse for a day in the sun with music. 

If you love artists like Avicii, Martin Garrix, and Oliver Heldon to name a few, then you are guaranteed to have a good time at Electric Daisy Carnival! 

What I wore 



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Sunday, 21 August 2016

Easy to wear Shirt Dress



When it comes to clothes shopping, do you ever find that the items that you instantly fall in love with are the ones that barely get worn in your wardrobe? Then the items which you buy which you like (maybe not love), are the ones which you end up wearing ALL THE TIME?! This is how I felt with this In the Style paisley shirt dress. I picked it because I find shirt dresses easy to wear (knowing that I will probably have to wear shorts underneath them, but I accept that). Never did I know that this was going to be one of my favourite items of clothing this summer! I have worn it loads and I'm sure it will be coming with me on holiday. For me it is too short for an actual dress so shorts are needed whenever I wear this, but no one needs to know! This item has definitely been a grower but I love it to bits now.

There are so many ways to wear it though! Over a bikini, or with black jeans to smarten it up, or in this case I wanted to wear it with my Missguided Harness Bralet. I would never be able to wear this bralet on it's own because it is a tad too small on the cup area but I love wearing it underneath shirts. There are so many styles around but I picked this one mainly for it's strappy detail and the subtle lace. It's tempting to get it in the cream also, since it's only £18. 

I wanted to keep this outfit really casual and I have genuinely worn this whole outfit top to bottom whilst going into Oxford for the day. For out and about I do like to keep the footwear comfy and long lasting. These Adidas Gazelle trainers are so worth the price! These are my go to trainers for long days out and I have never gained a blister form wearing these. They have released loads of lush summer colours and I so tempted to buy the mint or pale pink ones but I know they won't get as much wear. I just know that black goes with everything. Massive thumbs up. 

I added some grey accessories to give the look some variation and its very rare for me to wear top to bottom black anyways! The grey bag from Lamoda looks more expensive that its price tag and its a nice quality too. I love the chain strap and it's big enough to fit my purse, phone and a couple bits of make up. It's perfect for a going out bag, or when you don't need to carry many items when out and about. 

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Shirt dress (*) - In the Style 
Bralet - Missguided 
Bag - Lamoda 
Choker - Laomda
Sunglasses - Quay Australia on ASOS
Trainers - Adidas Gazelle on ASOS

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Thursday, 18 August 2016

Chrysalis


It's so refreshing to shoot an outfit in a different location but my gosh it can be a mission! These photographs were taken right bang in the middle of Oxford and tourists are always around! We have found that the tourists come in waves so we have to time a lot of the photographs. It was seriously worth it and I wanted to make some extra effort with this outfit. 

As you can see from the photographs, I am wearing these stunning bangles from a jewellery brand called Chrysalis. I always love wearing bracelets and jewellery because it can add that little extra touch to an outfit (plus my wrist feels bare if I don't wear anything!) I was drawn to their massive selection and they have some amazing collections, all with different themes. I have linked every single bangle listed below but I think my favourite bangles are the ones called Ambition (the Hindu elephant) and the Pisces bangle and necklace. I have always been interested in astrology and I love my star sign so this was suited to my personal interests, and the Ambition bangle is relatable to what I do now and my drive to grow my blog and get onto YouTube. 
They stock 14kt gold and rose gold flash plate and also rhodium plate which looks just like silver. As you can see I opted for rose gold and silver colours because I love this combo together! 
You are bound to love something from their website and their jewellery is also really affordable. Whether you like a simplistic individual bangle, or if you prefer to stack your jewellery, (all the bangles range from £25 - £35) there is something for everyone. Plus if you are stuck for ideas, you can also check out their 'ready made stacks' page where you can purchase a set of bangles but they all have different meanings e.g bangles for luck, friendship, protection, etc. 

I have also been eager to style these gorgeous Dolce and Gabbana Sunglasses from Sunglasses Shop. I love the light coloured tortoise shell design and I'm forever loving the cat eye shape. I now know that for my face shape, cat eye and oversized aviators suit me best so I stick to these styles only! This style also come in a brown tortoise shell colour and a plain black and they all have a two year manufactures warranty. They have a great selection of designer sunglasses online and it's handy that you can see if an item is running low in stock.

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Bangles from Chrysalis (*)
 Pisces  (necklace style here)


Shoes (*) - Public Desire 
Sunglasses (*) - Sunglasses Shop
Bag - Ali Express 
Top and Skirt - Boohoo 
Belt - ASOS 


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Thursday, 4 August 2016

TIE DYE


Hey everyone! Long time no speak! I'm not sure why I haven't blogged as much as usual. My head has been all over the place a bit and I've definitely been focusing more on my Instagram Shop and on Twitter (my handles are below if you haven't seen them yet!). I have been really liking how these platforms have grown and I have been happy with the content, but whenever I focus all my energy on something, other areas really do get behind and I always struggle to manage loads of things at the same time. I'm thinking about doing an update blog post anyways this week because a few changes in my life were going to happen but then they backfired, so I really need to let off some steam ha! I'm trying to stay optimistic though, and all I can do for now is carry on with what I love and I have a lot to look forward to this month so watch this space for my next blog post!

For now though, it's just a casual outfit! I always struggle with the 'less is more' approach. As you know, I love anything bold, or statement, and my outfits always feel incomplete without a jacket or a bag. It's a stupid habit I've got into it, but if I ever want to show you guys an outfit, I want to present it in its full effect, with everything I would genuinely wear from top to bottom. I wouldn't go out the house without a bag so thats how I feel with my outfits on here! 

At least one of the items here is pretty statement! I fell in love with this Missguided tie dye skirt as soon as it came online, and I was sold when I noticed it was only £12! I am always a fan of the tie dye trend every summer and thought this would be a great purchase for my holiday next month. I love this skirt that much, I have bought two of them! The reason why it's so cheap is because its a thin jersey material and very stretchy. I'm wearing the size 8 here and the length is perfect and not too short, however I am worried that it will lose its shape over time so I have bought an extra one for holiday just incase I ruin this one for the time being! 

The black top is also from Missguided, but I have to admit this was such a nightmare to photograph! My mum has had to pin the front straps because they were too long and not sitting right and obviously the straps move whenever I was moving (I have such OCD when something isn't sitting right in an outfit and I always think it gives the impression that the shoot was rushed if you get me). Ideally I think this would have gone better if I sized down in the top, because this was pretty baggy. Apart from that this top is great for lounging about in and when you aren't photographing it! 

The boots from Public Desire are an absolute must! I love the soft fabric and the heel height is only three inches so these make really great day to day shoes or for when you want to have a comfy night out! The colour of the shoes on the website look different to my ones, but I can confidently say mine look more true to colour. 

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Jersey Top - Missguided 
Tie Dye Skirt - Missguided 
Shoes (*) - Public Desire 
Sunglasses - Ebay 
Bag - Ali Express (similar here) 

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Sunday, 24 July 2016

HAMSA


Good evening! Hope everyone has had a lovely weekend! Where on earth has July gone? I'm not too upset just because there's lots happening in August so I do want July to hurry up. Plus I will be nearer to my holiday (which isn't til September waahh! At least I've got plenty of time to prepare) 

It doesn't stop me wearing holiday looks which can be styled up so it's suited for out and out in the 
UK though! The Boohoo hamsa playsuit is PERFECT for holiday and is a wardrobe must! It's only £15 and it's a lovely lightweight material. I would wear this over a bikini if I needed to go out of the holiday hotel or, for this instance in the UK, a simple lightweight jacket is great to layer it up for the cooler evenings. If you aren't a fan of the Hamsa print, Boohoo also stocks an elephant print in a deep purple colour *adds to basket*.

I also need to add something about the Missguided biker jacket. I noticed on the reviews some people said the faux suede biker jackets are poor quality or not worth the £40 price tag. In my opinion the jacket definitely isn't poor quality, however, the strap at the bottom of the jacket gets pulled from the heavy buckle so on a couple of occasions the strap has fallen out but i've luckily noticed. I may just simply stitch the belt strap in place to keep it secure but apart from that I really like their jackets and love how easy they are to style. You can size down in these but I kept to a size 10 just because I prefer the slouchy fit. Would I buy another in a different colour? Absolutely!

The shoes from Boohoo are also a must! I only picked them for a festival a couple weeks ago because the cleated heel would make them practical for walking on the grass but they have become one of my favourite pair of shoes! I am definitely taking these on holiday because I love that they still give the illusion of longer legs, yet I literally feel like I have a spring in my step when I walk in these. I honestly couldn't fault them! 

The ASOS western belt has been used loads! It's real leather and I have worn it several times but I MIGHT buy a new one just for holiday because the strap is wearing away slightly. The one I have will probably be fine for holiday but this belt has been one of my earlier summer purchases and the strap is starting to flake a tiny bit! I still think it's worth it. It's flattering and it looks super nice with ripped denim shorts or around a floaty summer dress! 

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Playsuit (*) and Shoes (*) - Boohoo  / Jacket (*) - Missguided  / Bag - Sarah Ashcroft collection at Lamoda / Sunglasses and Belt  - ASOS 
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